Month: September 2014

Categories
Lists Medical School

10 Things Vol. 3

10 Things that have changed since medical school.
1) The amount of sleep I get- Pretty obvious; I like my sleep. Now, I don’t get so much. First I get cranky, then I just fall asleep in random places (like class), then I wake up and I’m slap happy. Then I’m grumpy again. So I give in and nap. Then I hate my life because I’m so behind. Rinse and repeat.
2) The amount of caffeine I consume- I used to be an occasional coffee drinker. And every once in a while, I would crave soda. Now I’m flooding myself with coffee at least twice a day and I always want pop! Its not like it makes me feel better, either. I just need SOMETHING to give me any kind of pep most days. Caffeine is not without its side effects, friends. Acne, heartburn, poorer sleep, inflammation. I get it all. Really just the junk food in general has me feeling like a big blob of blah. Chips, sugary goods, and frozen things that you microwave are easiest to come by and it makes my tummy hurt.
3) The camaraderie- It wasn’t until senior year at OBU that us science majors got into the nitty gritty and bonded as friends and as a group even though most of us didn’t hang out outside of class. In medical school, though, one of the things we came into quick is togetherness. Its not like I talk to everyone everyday, but everyone is approachable and friendly, helpful and nice. Even if we never hang out, there’s always someone to chat with and complain about the lecture to in the computer lab or student lounge. Plus, out class Facebook group has saved my life once or twice. My classmates are the bomb. Just the best and brightest and I can’t believe I get to be among them.
4) The level of complication- Everything is sort of simplified now. There’s no time to worry about silly stuff. It’s either studying time or relaxation time. I take both very seriously.
5) My reliance on other people- Particularly my parents. I liked to pretend I was pretty independent and self-sufficient before I started medical school. But now, no way. I hate to admit it, but its the dang truth; a secret to a lot of how I’m getting through is because of my parents. My mom brings me food, wakes me up in the morning, picks up my medicine, etc. It takes a lot of planning on her part to take care of logistics for me so I can just try to not rip my hair out focus on school during the day.
6) The amount of people I touch- I’m affectionate, don’t get me wrong, but before medical school, it was only a few select people. Family and close friends. Now, I’ll grab whoever, wherever, and palpate their PSIS, ask to translate their cervicals, and volunteer my own “Woah feel my iliac crest!” We are a touchy bunch and its not unusual for classmates to rub my shoulders as they pass by me in class. We’re nice like that.
7) Running- Unfortunately my running is suffering. Sweet naive little me before anatomy started thought I had everything under control, getting my first 8 mile run in for my half marathon training. Then anatomy hit me hard and was like “HAHA you arrogant, silly girl. No running for you” There are several marathoners in medical school and I. Just. Don’t. Get. It. How?! How are they doing this?! Now I stare longingly into the gym and just take my scrub-wearing self into the anatomy lab.
8) Disbelief at the End of the Day- Every day. I make it home. While I get ready for bed and just think about the vast amounts of information I’m shoving in. I cannot believe how much I’m learning. I can’t believe I’ve made it through 7 weeks of medical school, or even just finishing one more day. I still can’t believe I got in, or that I’m really going to be a doctor at the end of this. You look at all the lectures they give you each week and you’re like, “I can’t learn all this! It literally impossible.” And then the whole week zooms by and you did it. You’ve really forced that much more into your head somehow and its just amazing.
9) My obsession with EVERY. SINGLE. LAST. POINT.- One time in undergrad, I asked my organic professor for a point back on a quiz. I had him on a technicality and had never gotten a 10/10 on his quizzes. He even admitted I was right. So, sitting at a 9/10, I asked him if he was gonna give me the point back. “Really?” he said. As in “Really, you’re gonna make me log in and change your grade over this one point?!”
Well, I learned my lesson and never made a big deal of it again- though I am still a bit bitter. But now, oh man!, I deserve every single last point I get and you bet your sweet little keister I will fight for every single point. Something about medical school feels like it matters more and so I’ll fight tooth and nail to know this stuff and be able to PROVE I know it on the tests. It’s just more important to me now.
10) Nervous habits- If I had nervous energy before medical school, let’s multiply it by ten now. I’ve always been a little high strung. I tap my feet and pens and chew gum and bite my nails again, and pick my skin and my face and my hangnails. I pick my split ends and pop my knuckles and just general. Also, just another weird thing, it has me doing is obsessively wanting to pick EVERY. LAST. BIT. of skin and fat and fascia off of my cadaver. Just absolutely meticulously. I could sit in there all day trying to satiate this desire to completely clean him off down to the structures we need. Ok, have I creeped everyone out now? I have problems… OCD maybe. That means its time to quit.
Peace out cub scouts.
 

Categories
Life Medical School

This Place Is A Roller Coaster

Day to day, minute to minute, even- my situation changes. Sometimes I feel on top of everything and then the next time I check myself, I feel like know nothing and panic. Occasionally I feel like I could study all night and be productive. Other times I fall asleep while trying to choke down a cup of coffee. Sometimes I can stay in a good mood picking fat out of my cadaver’s neck. Then the next minute I would do anything to leave lab and never go back in there again. It’s ups and downs and good and bad and nothing is ever the same minute to minute because there’s always new information being thrown at me, changing my situation and stress levels. It’s a good time. And also it’s terrible.

Categories
Life Medical School

Medical school paradox

Everything is so fast. Full speed ahead barreling down a never-ending hill of unimportant, yet necessary, mind-boggling yet mindless knowledge. Speedily tracking down who-knows-what going somewhere none of us knows anything about, at such a dizzying pace that I really have no idea if I’m so exhausted I’m invigorated or the other way around. I look at my watch at 3:46 PM wondering how it got that late without me learning anything. All I know is that I look at my watch at the end of the day and wonder if I did anything at all as the hours flew by and I’m another day behind. I feel like December could have already come and gone and I wouldn’t know.
Yet, it’s so freaking, painstakingly slow that I’m not sure if I’ve been here my whole life or if I’ve forgotten my life previous to this. The hours drag on so slow, you’d think I was listening to lectures on quantum theory while someone was literally picking me apart cell by cell. So slow I can’t keep my eyes open and I can’t fall asleep. I feel the seconds tick by like hours reminding me that as slow as it’s going, I still don’t possibly have enough time to get everything done. Every second slinking by as sleepily as me, groaning “Study, always study!” as they wither and die, breathing their last breath for an eternity. I sit in lecture wondering how it could possibly be only 8:23, knowing I have at least 40x the amount I’ve been sitting here before I get to go home and study more. Oh, when will it be December?

Categories
Life Lists Medical School

#Medschoolprobs

Things got a whole lot more difficult this week. Honeymoon phase = definitely OVER.
One of the things I most wanted to do this blog for was to give an honest depiction of what medical school is like, and I can’t do that without sharing the bad parts too.
The title of this post is med school probe for two reasons:
1) These aren’t really problems that apply anywhere else in life.
2) Because I know that they aren’t really that big of problems. I would much rather have these problems than have a problem like oh, NOT being in medical school. Read: I still love what I’m doing. 🙂
My problems- NOT a comprehensive list!
Anatomy has begun. I liked to think that my expectations were realistic. I expected it to be a continuation of my love affair with the human body- albeit a difficult one. But it has not been that so far. It has been a stressful whirlwind of not having a clue what is going on. I really almost cried after the first lecture. What I heard during the lecture was “blah blah blah, scapula, blah blah, acromion!” And then our clicker quiz questions popped up like ” What nerve innervates trapezius and where does it originate and what germ layer is it derived from and what can you not do when this muscle is crapped out and what do you do if shot in such and such artery?” Okay, that was an exaggeration but that is what it felt like.
I was all
yao-ming-meme-generator-i-have-no-idea-what-any-of-this-means-e6b9e7
 
“I’m sorry what? Is this a joke? Was I supposed to read something? Did I miss four weeks of class without knowing it? Am I stupid? Was this a mistake? Should I drop out before I gain anymore stress weight?”
Panic took hold and I lost the rest of my motivation to pay attention that day because its worthless if I haven’t looked at it myself first. I started thinking
“This is what your life is like now.”
I woke up with a sore throat the other day and thought, “I don’t have time to be sick.” When would I go see a doctor?
I get no fewer than 665 emails everyday telling me more things I have to do and more places I have to be.
I ate cold oatmeal for lunch.
I can’t remember what I studied yesterday.
I legitimately have right arm pain from writing so much.
I’m writing this blog through talk to text on my drive home. (Do not try at home)
Sleeping in is 7:30.
Getting to bed early is 1AM.
Peeling fat off a muscle is surprisingly soothing.
I’m too tired to study, but too behind to sleep.
They tell us to eat right, take breaks, get 7 hours of sleep (because let’s not be ridiculous with 8), don’t drink caffeine, exercise, and take time for family- but don’t forget to study and know everything at all times.
Me time is either sitting down to eat a snack without a book in front of me, or- if I’m really lucky- run 4 miles.
Naps are few and far between and I wake up feeling guilty and stressed out.
I walk to the bathroom at school, passing all the groups study rooms thinking, “oh my gosh all these people are studying right now and I’m peeing, I’m so far behind!!”
I only shower when absolutely necessary.
Yesterday I got to go outside for 2 minutes BEFORE dark to get something out of my car between classes. So that was cool.
I didn’t do well on my test we took this week after studying all Labor Day weekend. 🙁
Everything that smells bad to me, now smells like cadaver.
I keep shopping online to hide my feelings.
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It’s exhausting and hard and nothing seems to be paying off immediately, especially since all I feel like I have learned is about how NOT to study. I find solace in my classmates though, who all seem to be struggling with the same things as me. Sigh. Glad I got some of that off my chest. I’ll be okay.
 

Categories
Life Lists Medical School

10 Things Vol. 2

1. Test tomorrow. So yeah, I should be studying.
2. This week should be a little lighter in terms of Biomedical foundations material. Its a short week and anatomy is starting, so we only have 5 BMF lectures.
3. ANATOMY IS STARTING. I loved anatomy in undergrad so I hope my love stays strong and doesn’t turn to resentment. Humans are so neat, guys.
4. I get to have lunch with my senior (as in old people) mentor. This will be our first time meeting them. We will have a couple of assignments with them throughout this semester. We get to take a personal history and a medical history. I hope mine is precious and not gross.
5. Running is going great. I didn’t expect to rely on it as much I do. Mostly because when I was in undergrad, running sort of fell by the wayside. Now, after a solid two months of 5-7 days a week, I can feel at the end of the day when I’m all amped and ready to run. The rule is, if I have time to think about getting a run in, I run.
6. My study buddy has been gone for labor day weekend and I really feel the struggle without her. Not being able to talk things out has me tweaking so I don’t think this test will be as good as the first two.
7. There’s a lot of life in medical school. If any of my posts have deterred you from pursuing a future in medicine, that’s not what I’m trying to do here. Its fun and ultimately its going to be great and worth it, if its what you want to do.
8. I think what has helped me the most with anxiety (test anxiety and otherwise) is the amount of “busy” I’m taking on. I didn’t know what busy was. Like I said, I’m either studying, or about to study. I don’t have time to think about what I’m not doing because I’m always doing something or making progress towards being able to do something.
9. I drink a lot of water. At least two liters a day. I feel better when I do. Plus, filling up my water bottle and peeing in between lectures and as mini study breaks keep me from getting too comfortable and falling asleep.
10. Study, study, school’s your buddy!