What I’ve Learned from Kicking a Bad Social Media Habit

I’ve been on a social media hiatus, but I never said I would quit the blog until boards. It’s been a gradual weaning process to break the habit of checking my instagram, twitter, and facebook every 5 seconds. I hated that I was so dependent on them. I was on my phone way too much, now I lose my phone a lot more without it by my side every minute. I also have a lot more time to study or better yet- relax- now that I’ve logged out of all of them and deleted the apps. Facebook has been the most difficult to kick though, mostly because a good part of my class uses it to communicate with each other. As a result, I’ve been checking it for school updates occasionally. It has been an overwhelmingly good thing for me, and not just for boards studying. I’ve also realized I don’t miss it. My boyfriend always said I scowl my face every time I scroll through my phone for the past couple months. I did it without thinking about it. Its stupid how much time I wasted on things that don’t matter. The people I really need to know about are people I talk I actually talk to on the phone, text, or in person. Best case scenario on social media is me paying very little attention to what I’m looking at or reading, absent-mindedly scrolling through weird, personal details of peoples lives. Its very strange, our interactions online. Worst case scenario I get told to buy something, or I get jealous, down on myself, panicked, sometimes angry even....

2nd Year Rut

I wanted this blog to be real. Honest. No sugar coating it. Med school sucks sometimes. There I said it. Its three days into a new semester and I’ve already hit a wall so hard that I can’t even sleep. Usually when I don’t want to study, I can sleep, or at least binge watch something while simultaneously “candy crushing” until sleep finds me. Here I am, though- its 2 AM and I’m Facebook stalking pictures of myself while I was in college, feeling sorry for myself. Something is off. And it has been for a while. I feel happy each day. I wake up, I eat, I laugh, I study, I see my friends, I sleep. Even my family is always close by when I need them. But, after looking at my own pictures on my feed, I see I’m not even the girl I was a year ago. That girl was “pinch me” happy to be in medical school. That girl lived to go into school each day and learn. That girl was running everyday. She loved going out, even on weeknights- regardless of the sleep she’d lose- just to be with her new friends, gain the life experiences. I loved my first year of medical school. It changed my life in all aspects for the better. Shortly after first year started, an older gentleman in a restaurant overheard me using “first year” and “second year” terminology and leaned over and said “You must be in law school, using those words.” I smiled and proudly said, “No sir, I’m in medical school.” “My mistake,” he smiled, “Congratulations then.” My “thank you”...

Class of 2018

When I toured medical schools as an undergrad, I viewed the medical students as these extremely focused, competent, professional people. Now that I’m here I see that we are that, but we are so much more. Medical students are funny, fun-loving, kind, caring, sarcastic, silly, curious, multifaceted, friendly, fascinating people with all kinds of backgrounds, senses of humor and experiences. Despite our differences, our common thread of medicine has bonded us in less than a week. The sense of belonging and the great privilege to know these people and learn to become physicians with them, has me so excited to be a part of this class of...

Lake Trip, Medical School Updates, and Study Room

Well folks, as much as I love writing, when life comes a-knockin’ unfortunately the blog takes the beating. This week I went for a last minute lake cabin retreat with two girlfriends from OBU. We had a wonderful time! We used floaties to lay out and tan on a very calm, clear lake. We partook in hot tub time, ate, played board games, attempted to fish, laughed, laid in a hammock, and even kayaked. It was a little vacation I didn’t even know I needed. It came at the perfect time too. Right before I left, I realized I had a little email conundrum with medical school where I realized I wasn’t getting all the emails I should have. (I should have known, no wonder I hadn’t heard about orientation and the white coat ceremony yet!) Once I straightened out the correct email with the administration, I was forwarded a flood of information including my test/class schedule, orientation schedule, info on becoming a student ambassador, and most importantly a self-study block of a class that has already begun! Whoa. Who knew medical school started the summer before?! Since I was on vacation though, I anxiously tucked them away for reading and absorbing as soon as I got back on Thursday. I would love to share the scheduling and everything I will be up to this fall since that is a lot of what I have been curious about for so long. Questions like, “How grueling is it really?” “What is the day to day schedule like?” Unfortunately, I don’t think sharing these google docs on the interwebs for all...

Worry

I worry about big things, like about the future. I worry about small things, like about not finishing all the summer reading I wanted. I worried when I was 9 and had no legitimate concerns. I worry now when every decision feels so pertinent. I worry about serious things like the environment. I worry about stupid things like having white teeth. I worry about my family. I worry for their health and happiness. I worry about about their worries. I worry about their sadness. I worry about their foot fungus. I worry about their flaky patches of skin. I worry about their backs, their diets, their sore throats. I worry about my sisters. I worry about depression returning, looming in the sky like a big thunderhead that just passed over us. I worry about my nieces. I worry for them because its so hard to be a girl. I worry because its so hard to grow up and grow up right. I worry because things go wrong. I worry for them because there are hurts I can’t hide from them. I worry that they will see my worry because I want them to know how blessed they are and I’m worried my worry will make them think otherwise. I worry about them when I start medical school. I worry that they’ll think I won’t have time for them. I worry about my friends. I worry that I’ll disappoint them. I worry that they won’t get everything they want for their lives. I worry about the hurt they will have to endure if they don’t. I worry about love. I...

Roadtrip Recap 3

After the St. Louis show, I was able to keep driving for an hour and a half. Dani tried to sleep in the front seat so that she could (hopefully) wake up and drive; so that we could get as far as possible. For some reason, I didn’t think to suggest that she move to the backseat where she could have stretched out and had way more space. Anyway, I never got overly sleepy, but I knew I would be soon; so we stopped for gas for the next morning and got a hotel in Springfield, Il. Breakfast in the hotel again around 9, on the road before ten and Dani drove. I was anxious and irritating Dani thinking that around any corner or over the next hill we would see all of Chicago. (From two hours away). So, that was probably the longest part of the trip; for me anyway. We switched back to me driving, right outside Chicago. We couldn’t understand why the GPS only said 34 more miles, yet we couldn’t see any signs of a big city, and the “time of arrival” was more than an hour away. Oh, traffic. I mean I knew there would be traffic, but I didn’t know. We had a terrible time getting to the hotel. Some highway was closed and I wanted to get off the highway as soon as possible. Little did I know that the cross streets through downtown were much much worse. Somehow we ended up on a “lower” street when our hotel was on an “upper” and the stupid GPS really had no idea where we...